Friday, December 24, 2010

The Coyote and The Bull . . . with musical accompaniment by The Three Little Steers

Its Christmas Eve in the Hundred Acre Pasture, the sun is cutting a trail for Night on the power line and the moon is considering what to wear for dinner. Coyote drives his Eldorado in a mean blur over the hill crossing the river bridge at a terrible speed and parks all akimbo at the gate. Bull ambles along the fence line to meet Coyote -- Coyote’s got a bone to pick, but Bull’s not afraid.

Coyote: Hey Man, I thought we had a deal! (slams car door for emphasis)

Bull: Hold yer fire Coyote, its Christmas.

Coyote: I don’t care if it’s Easter . . . a deal is a Deal!

Three Little Steers: doo op doo op dooooooo

Bull: You know my word is the best around here Coyote. I gotta reputation to maintain. I don’t cheat nobody.

Coyote: Don’t get High and Mighty with me Bull. I came to collect and was turned away.

Bull: You were turned away because it’s Christmas.

Coyote: It ain’t Christmas yet, that’s tomorrow.

Three Little Steers: dooo dooo dooo op deee dooooo

Bull: Don’t split hairs with me Coyote. You know better than that.

Coyote: Look Bull, I got mouths to feed. We had an arrangement . . . of course, I could go to Ellis, he’ll be happy to work with me, and you? You’ll be out in the cold.

Bull: You wouldn’t go to Ellis. Yer bluffing.

Coyote: Drove by there at lunch time today. We smoked the Peace Pipe Bull, Ellis said he wasn’t surprised you went back on yer word. If I go to Ellis, you got no protection Bull, you hear me, yer on yer own.

Bull: Ellis doesn’t produce like I do and you know that Coyote.

Coyote: He’s got two calves to your one for me tonite, BUT, I’m willing to work with you, you can change yer mind right now . . . (Coyote leans back on the hood of his car and lights a cigarette. He blows smoke rings and the last of the sun does a tango on his hood ornament, the one he got off a man in Ensenada last year during a job)

Three Little Steers: do do do dee dee do do deeeeee

Bull: Not changing my mind. You can collect on New Years and no sooner.

Coyote: I’m serious Bull, I’ll cut you loose and then yer cows will be vulnerable to every scum of the earth in the woods.

Bull: You don’t want this one Coyote, wait for the next one.

Coyote: Yer goin’ soft Bull

Three Little Steers: Deee deee doo op deee deeeeeeeeeeeee!

Bull: Nobody expected this Coyote. You hear me, nobody knew this was going to happen.

Coyote: Not only are you goin’ soft, but yer gettin’ superstitious in yer old age.

Bull: I don’t think so. Did you see her? Did you see the marking on her face?

Three Little Steers: wap wap wap da da da, yeah! wap wap wap da da da yeah!

Coyote: I was turned away Bull, your girls stopped me at the gate.

Bull: That calf that you came to collect was born with a crescent moon between her eyes.

Coyote: And . . .

Bull: when I was just a boy, my mother told me of a she-cow that would come one day with the crescent moon, Coyote, I can’t let this one go.

The Three Little Steers: ooooo yeah oooo yeah doooo op doooo op deeee op dooooooo!

Coyote: A deal’s a Deal!

Bull: I gave you two last month Coyote, and I’ll have at least three for you on New Years Day

Coyote: One a month Bull

Bull: Let’s say I give her to you . . . you cut her throat and feed her to your clan tonight. Your bellies are full for Christmas morning and then the snow begins to fall and it keeps falling and the winds blow and the trees fall and the sky stays gray and the snow buries us and the farmer can’t get his truck out here with hay and corn and my cows perish? Suppose I give her to you and the river rises and Bear that lives under the little cliff is overtaken by the water and Fox is drowned? Beaver came to me last night and said his dam was almost complete and he was sure if I let you take this one, that his dam would be washed away. I didn’t plan on a spirit being calved in my field Coyote, but there ya have it. And if you wanna go to Ellis, you go, I’ll have to take my chances.

Coyote: Yer a superstitious old bastard! Bull, just give me the calf.

Bull: I won’t. It’s Christmas and besides the Heron has a plan.

Three Little Steers: Da dum da dum daaaaa dum deeee ooooo op deeeee!

Coyote: Heron?! Is he still shootin’ up?

Bull: Listen Coyote, yer one to talk about habits!

Coyote: Bull, yer outta yer mind. This little calf ain’t the messiah, she’s yer chip! Give me the chip and the rest of yer kin are safe.

Bull: Nobody expected this Coyote, I’m sorry.

Coyote: Now yer sorry?

Three Little Steers: mmmmmmmmmmm deeeeeee mmmmmmmmmmm deeeeeeeee

The moon rises and Ellis comes over the hill in his Mustang. He parks neatly next to Coyote and gets out of the car. He lights a cigarette and straightens his bolo tie.

Ellis: Bull! Hey man! Its been a few years. Nice set up ya got here.

Bull: That was a long time ago Ellis . . .

Ellis: no hard feelings Bull.

Coyote: Just hand over the calf and its all cool Bull.

Ellis: Coyote tells me you reneged.

Bull: You know my word is true Ellis.

Ellis: and that’s why you’ve been a loser all these years Bull.

Coyote: Just hand her over Bull.

Bull: Ellis, tell him . . .

Ellis: Tell him what Bull?

Bull: what mother said

Ellis: about the girl with the crescent moon between her eyes?

Bull: yeah Ellis, tell Coyote

Coyote: wait a minute!

Three Little Steers: she said yeah yeah yeah she said yeah yeah yeah

Bull: Tell him Ellis, or I will!

Ellis: listen Coyote, if I had known this was about the girl with the crescent moon, I never woulda negotiated with ya

Coyote: Ellis? what the fuck man?

Ellis: Bull is my brother Coyote

Coyote: so?

Bull: Coyote get in yer car

Three Little Steers: deee deeee da deeee yaaa deee ya deee ay deee ayyyyy! ay!

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